The Edge Of 27

So Beer on the Pier was a blast, if for no other reason then it brought us gals together for a night of acting like a bunch of drunken asshats. This is something we perfected in college and, if Saturday was any indication, we still got it. But I’m starting to wonder if and when the party is ever going to end.

Most of us are 27, and out of the twelve of us that were friends in school, only two are married. Three are in serious relationships - none of them are engaged. The rest of us are just out of relationships or have never really been in one. I know this isn’t common. I’ve heard the average age that a woman in the US gets married is 25. But I’ve also heard marriages that take place during the early twenties are more likely to end up in divorce. So while the first statistic makes us abnormal, the second one makes us kind of lucky.

Here’s the thing about my friends. They’re all attractive, intelligent, successful girls who enjoyed partying in college and still do when their schedules allow for it. That’s the weird part about being 27. It’s like we’re all on the cusp of adulthood; we have careers and grown-up responsibilities, hell some of us even have mortgages. But at the same time, we’re not above wearing matching t-shirts to a drinking game tournament or attending a drunken barn dance. Incidentally, that barn dance takes place in two weeks. And you know what? One of us will probably throw up that night. But the event is for charity and we’ve got a limo to take us to and from the suburbs. So while we’re still a bunch of asshats, now we are responsible asshats. See what I mean? It’s like living in limbo.

A girl I know sent out a message on Facebook called “Being Twenty-Something” that addressed what its author called the “quarter-life crisis.” Without just pasting the whole thing in this post, here were some of the highlights:

“It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.”

“You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!”

“You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.”

Pathetic? I mean, let’s not get crazy here. There is still a time and a place for everything. But some of this stuff obviously resonated with me as a result of The Celibacy Project. It also made me feel better to know that I’m clearly not the only one who considers these things. The twenties are a challenging, but often rewarding, time when our victories should be celebrated. But our failures need to be exonerated. We’re all just figuring this out for ourselves and there’s no set timeline for any of us to succeed.

The truth is, as much as there are societal pressures on us ladies to settle down and start procreating, I think we’re all better off for having not caved in yet. I came awfully close to it with The Ex, and if I had I’m sure I’d be considering a divorce by now. That’s harsh, but I’m serious. Doing something because you think you should, rather than because you really want to, will never turn out the way you’d hoped and it can often turn out much worse.

So basically, the "quarter-life crisis" doesn’t mean we have to grow up entirely. Not yet, at least, or you'll be hard-pressed to pry the Long Island Iced Tea out of my cold, dead hands. But it does mean we need to start taking ourselves, and our relationships, a little more seriously. It's shit-or-get-off-the-pot time, people. If you’re in a healthy relationship that meets your needs, great, when you’re ready then take that train to the end of the line. But if something is missing, and always has been, after several years of dating then for God’s sake, cut your losses. We’re not on a schedule here, but we also shouldn’t be wasting these precious “me” years with somebody who doesn’t deserve to be in them. That’s why over half of my friends are now single. We’ve all either just come out of those situations, or we’ve totally avoided being in them in the first place. And you know what? I think that’s one of the most responsible things we could be choosing to do right now.

I’m sure my friends would gladly drink (wine, not shots…eh, fuck it, both) to that.

xo