Straight Talk From The Stirrups

I went to the “girl doctor” yesterday (bear with me) to have what I refer to as the 100,000 mile check-up. Now calm down dudes, that’s all I’m going to say about the actual appointment. I know that stuff freaks you out. But I went to see my doctor and I told her about The Celibacy Project. And, like most people that are significantly older than me, she laughed.

Now I didn’t ask her, but I should have: just what the hell is so funny? Are you laughing because it’s me, Allie B, declaring that I need to take some time off from sex? Or are you laughing at the fact that my declaring it implies I’ve had so much sex that to stop having it would require a dramatically noticeable change in my habits?

I’m not sure what she would have answered to that and if I had to guess, I don’t think I could. I find a bit of amusement in both aspects of this, actually. Maybe that’s just me. I can understand how to anyone else it could seem laughable that I felt a need to tell everyone I know that I’m not having sex for three months. Oh yeah, and then I also felt the need to put it on the Internet so that everyone they knew could hear about it every day. Wow. When I say it like that it actually sounds pretty messed up. Or funny. We’ll go with funny.

At the same time, I know there’s also an entertainment value to the fact that I’m a girl that has no problem telling it like it is. And when I say “it” I mean “my sluttin’ around days.” See? That’s kind of humorous, so maybe that’s what she was laughing at.

There are a couple conservative people that I’ve asked to read the site and when they do, I always get the same observation. “It’s very well-written,” they’ll say, “but very, very personal.” Isn’t that a backhanded compliment?

But of course, that just what I’m asking for if I encourage someone to read my blog who isn’t cool with this type of stuff. Some people like to mix sex and the Internet, some don’t. Some people don’t even like talking about sex in conversations with friends or even their partners! Clearly I’m not, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be, that person. Still I respect that a lot of people will never want to hear about The Celibacy Project and, if they had to, they would not agree with it.

However….even a conservative person who believes in limited discussion of, and participation in, sex has to be at least a little bit intrigued (maybe disgusted, but still interested) by a seemingly intelligent girl that’s willing to put this out there for the unknown masses in the name of salvation. And conservative people can have a sense of humor, too. I know at least three Republicans I can name that make me laugh. I bet they think this is funny. I wonder if my doctor is a Republican…

Okay, one last thing. I’ve been seeing Dr. C. for five years. She knows my sexual history. And today, when I was on my way to the appointment, I was giddy like a kid who got a copy of the test before he had to take it. I was definitely going to ace this one. Once we started talking, we got to the list of questions they go through every time. I prepared myself for the one I wanted to hear:
“Are you sexually active?”
“No!!!”
Yeah, I actually said it like that. It’s been ten years since I’ve used that answer.
She stopped, turned, looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. And that meant more to me than her laughing did, anyways.

xo