After writing about my use of “The Rules” the other day I received nearly identical messages from two male friends of mine suggesting I read “The Game.” So yesterday I went to buy a copy, figuring it would be an easy one to get through (I mean, c’mon, it was written for guys) and that I could write something witty about it by the end of the night. $35 later, I am now the proud owner of a fake leather-bound, 452-page book by some douchebasket named Neil Strauss. Instead of just one post, processing the fat bastard will probably require several. So in the next few weeks, I vow to make my way through this guide to picking up women, so that you don’t have to.
All douche comments aside, I am trying to go into this with an open mind. If us girls can have “The Rules” (full title: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right) then certainly guys can have “The Game,” (full title: “Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.”) Wow. A “secret society” of "pickup artists," you say? And all this time I thought they just called them “frat houses.”
Immediately, it’s easy to see the very basic differences between what men and women seem to think they want. If there were a book for women on how to consciously pick up men for sex, it could pretty much be called “Have A Vagina.” Similarly, I doubt there are very many books out there teaching men how to find a woman willing to take that diamond ring off their hands. Most women want to get married. Most men want to have sex. That’s why we watch romantic comedies while you guys prefer yourselves some good, hardcore porn.
Since I claim to be a pro-sex feminist (sort of the black sheep of the Women’s Rights Movement) I am certainly not the kind of gal to deny a man’s right to sexualize pretty much everything. I think a lot of men are just wired that way; on this very blog I’ve acknowledged their evolutionary drive to plant a lot of seeds. But even being the appreciator of all things sexual that I am, I couldn’t help but balk at the Table of Contents. Ladies, I’ll spare you the nearly 40 bucks with tax and just reprint them here:
Step One: Select A Target
Step Two: Approach And Open
Step Three: Demonstrate Value
Step Four: Disarm The Obstacles
Step Five: Isolate The Target
Step Six: Create An Emotional Connection
Step Seven: Extract To A Seduction Location
Step Eight: Pump Buying Temperature [Ed. Note: what the hell does that even mean??]
Step Nine: Make A Physical Connection
Step Ten: Blast Last-Minute Resistance
Step Eleven: Manage Expectations
The damn thing even comes with a glossary. Is this really it? Is this how every guy treats a conquest, whether or not he needs a book to teach him how to do it? I turned to a man that always tells it like it is – Mind Fucker – who’s got enough game to fill an unabridged dictionary. He said “guys with confidence/good rap get laid – no exceptions. ‘The Game’ is merely a framework or toolbox, if you will, for guys with no money, looks, personality, etc.” Like most of the things he says, I found that rather intriguing. Mind Fucker, and both of the guys who recommended this book to me, are three dudes who do not have a problem getting laid. Hell, I’ve even messed around with two of them. Okay, maybe that’s not the best example. But these are guys that don’t need the actual advice, they all just found it somewhat entertaining.
Well I’m not in it for the entertainment value (though I will say the first few pages are pretty well-written.) I’m in it to break down the different ways guys have broken me down over the years. I want to understand how boys know just the right amount of bullshit to throw in my direction. Then maybe, just maybe, when The Celibacy Project is over, I’ll actually be able to fend it off. Since I’ve expressed several times now that I’m starting to think an actual relationship might be nice when this experiment has ended, I don’t think it’s MY rules that I need to concern myself with so much anymore. I think it’s time I also started to factor in the major importance of THEIR game. MS and ZW, you did me a very big favor by recommending I pick up this book. You also might have done a disservice to men in general, all of whom just became a little less likely to find out how good I really am (hint: amazing.)
xo
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4 comments:
I basically always assume that men are playing a game. That's why it's fun to not participate, because men who can't stand up to real conversation or connection wither away before your very eyes. It's pretty incredible.
Honestly, I think all this rule nonsense is kind of bullshit. I think the "let's get laid" mentality of most men is not particularly biological (wasn't that a Darwin theory anyway?) but the "spread their seed" idea becomes an excuse to act carelessly and without caution. Whatever happened to relating to people? This isn't to say that it's always bad to do as you please (you know what I mean) but pretending that your inner biological forces are the only drive behind sexual behavior is some serious BULLSHIT. People have brains.
Okay, sorry, there's my diatribe directed at no one in particular. But Allie, goshdarnit, do everything you can to evade this "game" nonsense. The thing about games is that they're not real or inherent. Someone always invents them, right? Connect Four didn't sprout out of the earth.
Agree with you partially here Katie
- but here is the one issue- The fact that we have a brain is also the reason we play games...Games are basically poking and prodding to see someone's emotional and intellectual prowess- without them (on some level) it would be nothing but animal sex-When's the last time you saw dog's play games?
Also if there were no games and we just went on connecting and conversation alone What seperates potential lovers or just friends? ..Some games (DEFN NOT ALL) are neccesary to learn and actually deepen the connection.
and yes while all men are looking in some form to get "laid" in a lot of instances it's just qualifier so that we can establish something deeper and more profound...I.E Ok, now that I know we have a physical connection lets see if we have a emotional/intellectual as well. All three are equally important but typically as a guy, we're just not willing to look into the emotional/intellectual side without the phyiscal being there first (un-idealistic as it is)
My biggest problem with the Rules or the Game or whatever is that they take away from who people actually are- confidence comes from being ourselves- not listening to others bullshit on how to act.
I don't totally disagree with you ZW, you bring up a couple of good points. The false confidence that comes from learning the rules or playing the game is not necessarily reflective of who people actually are, which is my biggest problem with games in general. Of course, as you said also, rules and games do offer a screening type function. We are blessed with brains in addition to our biological makeup to determine what our wants, needs, etc. are.
That being said though, you bring up an interesting point about the difference between potential friends/lovers. Considering you said you basically have to be attracted to someone to determine whether they are worth getting to know on a deeper level, what need exists for games with the precursor that you are in fact attracted? After that, I think the need for rules and games comes from our inability to express ourselves honestly, and that's the problem in my mind.
I can't even tell you how much time I've wasted not saying what I actually think/feel, and I'm sure plenty of people have done the same with me. But alas, I understand the usage if confidence is an issue. And real confidence isn't something you can teach, even if you're trying to learn the "rules."
I know you didn't mean it but I have to take exception with "Is this how EVERY guy treats a conquest, whether or not he needs a book to teach him how to do it?"
Overgeneralizing now, eh? Isn't that what right-wingers like me are supposed to do and left-wing hippie love-festers like you are supposed to shy away from?!?!
For the record, I do not and never have (unless while blackout drunk that I do not recall) think of women as "targets".
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