Last night was an epic clusterfuck of drunken retardedness.
Yeah, I think that sums it up rather nicely.
We started off at the Pontiac Café for “Rockstar Karaoke” which is karaoke but with a live band playing the music. This was a celebration of my friend TM’s birthday and/or a ZBT reunion, I’m still not sure which. Rockstar Karaoke is a lot like American Idol except everyone is drunk and for the most part untalented. After hearing a bunch of assholes (I mean my friends) destroy perfectly good songs, we went to Lumen where I ran into The Playboy, one of the guys I dated between The Ex and Poor Bastard. He, like so many before him, tried to chip away at my resolve, but a free drink is a free drink, so I thanked him for it and moved on. Then I made a graceful (read: stumbling) exit and had the bright idea to go to yet another bar. In the basement of the dungeon that is Stone Lotus I ran into Hot Dude, who wanted nothing to do with me this time. I think after the whole “boner-in-my-back” incident last month, he’s decided I’m a cock tease. Woo-hoo! I have never, ever been considered a cock tease before. At this point the memories start to get a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure my best friend RK managed to find me belly-to-the-bar, drinking bottled water. That could’ve been the best decision I made all night. The second best decision was then immediately getting in a cab and going home. According to my Blackberry, I had a brief text conversation with the Renegade Millionaire, which is fair game because A. He lives 2,000 miles away and B. He’s a big supporter of the cause, so rather than flirting we sent each other Meatloaf lyrics. I can’t make this shit up, people. This morning I woke up next to a bowl of noodles I don’t remember making (I should probably call my friends at Dominos and let them know I’m okay) and a business card in my wallet from some guy named Ronald that I couldn’t pick out of a line-up if you paid me.
So yeah, it was that kind of night.
xo
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