Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What Would Allie Do?

By now, I’ve had the opportunity to offend a variety of people in a variety of ways with blatant assertions about my own sexuality and sometimes that of others. In one online (and unrelated) forum where somebody I know mentioned this web site, a guy responded that he had read my blog and then he called me “a pig.” Awesome.

For the most part, however, I’ve stayed away from some of the most divisive topics that could enter into a discussion of sex, namely politics and religion. You can’t talk about either of those without pissing somebody off. But I’ve never been one to back down just to avoid ruffling feathers, so today I want to discuss religion and what, if anything, it’s had to do with my own decisions and experiences in the past.

I was inspired to do so by an article my friend MC sent me. It was in the New York Times and it talked about an event that’s becoming more popular in the Evangelical Christian community called a “Purity Ball.” A Purity Ball is a formal dance attended by fathers and their daughters that promotes virginity until marriage for teenage girls. So I guess it’s like prom, except nobody tries to spike the punch, everybody has to bring their dad as their date, and all of the attendees publicly announce that nobody’s getting laid afterwards. Good times.

Now let’s get my own spiritual history out of the way. My father was a hippie and my mother was a disco queen. When they had a child in 1981, they decided that neither would impose their own religious beliefs on their offspring. Instead, they wanted to let me make that choice for myself when I was ready. Mom was raised Catholic in the parochial school system until she got to high school. Dad had a Bar Mitzvah but that’s about as far as he took his faith in Judaism. When I was little, they literally told me that it was up to me to look at both religions, and any others I found interesting, then select the best fit for me. So instead of Hebrew school or CCD classes, I was left to my own devices. I was without the moral guidelines instilled by such teachings until much later in life. And by the time I finally chose to embrace my “Jewish Side” in college, I was past the point where any religion’s stance on pre-marital sex could have an effect on things I’d already done. When I lost my virginity to Skater Boy in high school, never once did the thought of whether or not I should “do it” before I got married cross my mind.

[Ed. Note: Can you imagine if I would have chosen Catholicism after the fact? That would have been the world’s longest confession, followed by a thousand Hail Mary’s, probably making it the second largest amount of time I would have ever spent on my knees. Moving on…]

Perhaps if I had been baptized and confirmed, I might have taken to that whole idea of “abstinence.” Then none of the things that inspired me to write this blog would have ever happened. But that becomes a nature vs. nurture argument. You can bring a girl to Jesus, but you can’t make her drink (the wine.) Furthermore, a young woman I know who I thought to be somewhat conservative once told me “hey, I went to Catholic school for twelve years, it’s like a breeding ground for wildness!” So maybe that doesn’t matter afterall, as perhaps most Jewish, Cathololic, Muslim, Buddhist and even Scientology girls aren’t always the best poster children for chastity.

In the article MC sent me, it says studies have actually shown “that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.” So “no sex” turns into “unsafe sex.” That’s a little disheartening. At least I’ve always been a firm believer in condoms, even if I never had to make a choice between my faith and my sexuality. For the record, I don’t have the patience to get into a discussion right now about an organization that condemns both birth control and abortion. All I will say about that is oy vey.

While it’s nice that I’ve found myself involved in a religion that regards sex as a naturally and potentially beneficial bodily function, I guess that taking first communion would not have had any bearing on the decisions I would’ve made anyways. Of course, that’s not why I selected Judaism as my spirituality of choice. But I can’t say (given my questionable life history) the fact that Jews don't believe in Hell didn’t have anything to do with it, either.

xo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Scene: Pictures before Prom 1997
Players: Ted B. and Larry D.
Ted B to Larry D: "So what does one have to do to be a Presbyterian?"

Classic!