My Friend The Lesbian

American Idol Fantasy League was cancelled this week so I had to do something to get myself out of my apartment. Last night, I made plans with My Friend The Lesbian and we had drinks at a place in Boystown called The Kit Kat Lounge and Supper Club.

The funny thing about MFTL is that I knew her before this whole love-of-vaginas thing came about. One day, she was telling me about the boy she was pursuing and the next, she introduced me to someone she called her “girlfriend.” But this girlfriend looked an awful lot like a boyfriend. I guess that’s how it goes in Lesbian Land. It’s a nice place to visit (I may have driven through it once or twice) but I wouldn’t want to live there. Girls are crazy.

When she initially learned about The Celibacy Project, MFTL suggested I get a Neutrogena face buffer in lieu of a vibrator. Apparently, it’ll get you off and it’s great for the pores down there. Good to know. Then she suggested we have drinks at the aforementioned restaurant and I figured, why not? I don’t see enough transsexual female impersonators perform on a daily basis.

The martini-fueled conversation that took place there was actually quite poignant. She told me the story of how she ended up with her current girlfriend, who was three months pregnant when they met! Now they have a long-distance relationship, an adorable baby girl, and they’re madly in love. If I didn’t enjoy penetration so much I’d think she might be onto something.

What I found most interesting about this scenario was that because the girlfriend was pregnant, they waited a long time to get intimate. Now there’s a novel idea as far as I’m concerned. When I asked how it was possible to keep pursuing a relationship without a sexual component, she said whenever they touched it was electric; they both knew when it finally happened it was going to be good. Wow.

So here’s what I’m thinking. When The Celibacy Project is over, I don’t know if I’m going to want to have sex for just the sake of having sex again. Remember on Seinfeld when they discontinued The Sponge as a birth control method and Elaine stockpiled them? She then had to decide whether or not a guy was “sponge-worthy.” Well, I feel like when these three months are over there’s a chance I might not want to give up my celibacy so easily. That will require me to decide whether or not a guy is “Allie-worthy,” and that could mean waiting like MFTL and her girlfriend did. She said that when they finally got around to doing it, there was a bubble bath, candlelight, rose petals...the whole nine yards. That actually sounds kind of nice, like something that just might be worth waiting for. Maybe.

When I first met MFTL she was straight, confused, and unhappy. Today she’s exactly where she wants to be – in a committed relationship based on trust and love patiently built from the ground up. It’s so nice to see that My Friend The Lesbian has finally got her shit together. Now I guess it’s my turn.

xo