Thursday, June 26, 2008

The City That Never Stops

Is it just me or are New York guys a LOT more aggressive than their Midwestern counterparts?

On Tuesday, shortly after I got into town, I went to my favorite nail place in Times Square for a manicure. In a matter of only four blocks, I was stopped twice by boys with thick East Coast accents. They asked me where I was from, they asked where I was going, and they asked what I was doing later that night. Both times I kept waiting for them to try to sell me a knock-off Prada, but it turned out they were looking for my company, not my money. I’ll be damned.

It’s not as if I never get picked up in Chicago. But I’ve never had my walk to work interrupted by a dinner invitation. I asked my friend JH, a member of the inner circle who used to live in NY and came to stay with me, if I was onto something. She said that indeed I was. However, she added the caveat that it’s not Manhattan boys I had to worry about, it’s the Bridge and Tunnel crowd. I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. As it turns out, there’s a pecking order here, not unlike the Northsider vs. Southsider caste system that exists back home.

Once I understood what I was up against, we went out together last night. First we met her friend B for sushi and I saw the Statue of Liberty for the first time. It was awe-inspiring and it gave me goosebumps. I heart New York. I’m such a dork. Then we left the safety of our male escort and went to some bar called Bounce. As soon as we walked in, JH turned to me and said “Sausage Fest.” I looked around and realized she was right. Not only was the place filled with dudes, but they all turned and looked at us like horny sailors on shore leave. I hope getting eye-fucked doesn’t count as breaking celibacy because in that moment, I got eye-gangbanged. We sat down and instantly we were approached by some drunken, dancing, douchebag. Without even letting him spit what little game he could have possessed in our direction, JH didn’t hesitate to jump out of her seat, grab my hand, and lead me out of the bar. That’s the thing I love about her, she has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to bullshit. But the next place we went to wasn’t much better.

As soon as we walked into the restaurant, I passed by a table of three guys, one of whom told me he loved me. An hour and a Long Island later, as we were leaving I got accosted by some large Israeli man named Dave. We had one of those conversations where he was obviously drunker than me and kept asking me the same questions, where I was from and what I was doing in NY. Since he couldn’t be bothered to remember, I kept changing the answers. Then he put his arm around me and kissed my hand. Ew. I couldn’t wait to get on my flight home this morning. And even today, as I made my way through the lobby of my freaking hotel to get breakfast, some guy sitting on a couch motioned for me to come over. I shook my head “no,” and he replied, “oh c’mon, I just wanna have a little fun.” Seriously, dude? It was seven-fucking-thirty in the morning.

That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. It reminded me of all the slot machines ringing in your ears at the airport in Vegas when you’re trying to get home. Perhaps it’s my celibacy and I’m tired of having to say no, but there's a time and a place for that sort of thing and it's not 3pm on Broadway or before noon in a hotel lobby. When boys take anything you do as an indication that you’re interested, it’s very easy to get oversexed in the city.

Now I’m finally back to Chicago and my "normal," quiet, life for a while. Be it ever so boring, there’s no place like home.

xo

6 comments:

zw2719 said...

Just be glad you live in the states- New York pales in comparison to a lot of other countries in the world as far as hyper-aggressive dudes. When you add being blonde on top of that it can make for interesting travel.

katie. katherine. kitty. all of the above. said...

"When boys take anything you do as an indication that you’re interested, it’s very easy to get oversexed in the city."

Living in this society where men generally rule and women obsessively work to make their bodies and looks a certain way so that they will be noticed by those who have the power to possess them, it doesn't really take ANY reason to allow men to manhandle a woman, so to speak.

I was walking to the gym in stretch pants and a sweatshirt, and some guy started yelling at me from the street, talking about wanting my body. Since I didn't give him the attention he wanted and told him to fuck off, he yelled back in retort, "Shut up, whore."

So if anything, my point is that there can be absolutely NO indication that we women even want attention--but that doesn't matter to men. Since women are things to be possessed, to be had by men, we are as approachable as the puppy in the store they're looking to buy.

I have more self-respecting being the pitbull that bites back, than playing the passive, precocious puppy, pretending to love the attention.

Zach said...

Katie-I had to comment back to this- Before I say anything else, let me state that I always respect your posts as they are highly intelligent and well thought out and I think you make truly great points...Ok that said.

You really have to be careful about the labeling and over-generalization of men. This felt like watching the "all men are evil bastards" Lifetime network.

SOME men, a very small percentage view women as objects to be possessed. Some men treat women in this poor fashion. SOME.

This is similar to how some women, only a very small percentage actually do only want that attention, or how only some women do only look at men as walking wallets, or how only a very small percentage of women feel that men in general are evil and out to get them....

Does this mean I should say "Women are goldiggers, and that they all want attention"

Why don't I also state that all jews search the ground for pennies, and all those other fun generalizations about differing groups?

Than this sentence- "In this society, where men generally rule"

I can't take this seriously at all. Women if anything in todays day and age have completly equal standing as well as a huge number of advantages. These have to be looked at through the broader scope though and taken into account for the various differences between men and women.

And How many men obsessivly work to make their bodies perfect or work toseem like they have more money also or whatever else dudes do? Have you been to a gym, or seen the price of jeans, or how about Men's sculpting gel, hair restoration clinics, hair removal clinics, acne medications, ...Men do just as much as women to attract the opposite sex just in differing forms.

I wish, wish wish, that all feminists and all masculinists would take a step back and realize that neither side is "evil" or lesser or that men are this or women are that and that the acts and beliefs of some do not represent the groups as a general.

People are all people- There are differences between men and women. Huge differences. They are not the same they never will be, but in their own respects they are equal.

The One And Only Allie B. said...

Okay kids, simmer down. I love you both and let's not forget the most important thing here...me.
I demand that you two just agree to disagree rather than shed blood on my blog.

matteomht said...

>>there can be absolutely NO indication that we women even want attention--but that doesn't matter to men.

Um, gee. Alert the media.

Of course men need no indication that a woman wants to attention. We're biologically programmed to take the initiative. What this dude did to you was normal-- up until you shot him down, and then he mouthed off at you. That's some other insecurity he has, that he has to save face when a woman isn't interested. There's plenty of women out there. He should be confident enough to approach them all and move on when one says she doesn't give a shit.

katie. katherine. kitty. all of the above. said...

Allie, as you wish, I'm not going to shed any blood. Nor did I intend to with my comment, but unfortunately, the response to my comment warranted a little cleaning up.

Zach, you are right about making generalizations, which in my comment seemed like generalizations because I didn't support them with the data I know. You are right to say women have certain advantages, and so do men. For instance, unfortunately, in this country, women do not yet make as much money in the same jobs as men, and gender discrimination in the workplace is still a common practice. I am very aware of this because it happened to members of my immediate family.

My comment was not to be taken as an "I hate all men" rant. In fact, I LOVE men, I have one that is very special to me, but Allie's post about that small percentage you spoke of ignited my personal disgust with that population (however small) and my argument came into form.

I do believe that men and women are different, but I don't necessarily believe it is inherent. There is no biological proof besides the different sexual parts we have. I guess that's where we'll have to agree to disagree.

I more hope for women and men to see how much more alike they are than different. Doing so, in my opinion, would help eliminate these offending behaviors and ideologies. But I guess that's just me. =) So once again, to those who may have been offended, I apologize.