The Many Faces Of Allie

A lot of people have asked me how The Celibacy Project has affected my ability to go out drinking. That’s a very good question. Its answer lends itself to a discussion of the several different versions of Allie that enter the ring (or rather, the bar) every Friday night.

First we have Single Allie. In her past life, Single Allie was always out looking for a good time. She would start drinking at Happy Hour on Friday and would continue to imbibe until she’d finished watching whatever sporting event was being televised at the bar of her choosing on Sunday.

This sort of behavior inevitably begat a second ego, Drunk Allie. DA would gladly take the reigns where SA left off on Sunday, sometimes even leaving the bar with another kindly, and equally drunk, spectator. Drunk Allie has never had a problem making friends, especially the kind of friends that come with benefits.

But now Celibate Allie has entered the fray. She’s there to cock block the other two. And so far (save for the incident with New Guy) she’s done a very good job. But that’s probably (definitely) because lately, she’s the one in charge of making our weekend plans.

For instance, tonight, we’ve been invited to a birthday party for Mind Fucker. Single Allie thinks it’s a great idea. Drunk Allie heard there will be free drinks, so she’s in, too. But Celibate Allie, the voice of reason, reminds them that a party like this, celebrating a boy like that, can only lead to trouble. And Celibate Allie’s only goal is to avoid having to deal with Regretful Allie. So, alas, no open bar for any of the Allie’s tonight.

Instead, CA is dragging the rest of them out for dinner and drinks with our friend ZW. We met ZW when he was a buddy of The Teacher, and have managed to reconnect as friends since then. Tonight, Single Allie and Drunk Allie will be forced to slow their rolls while Celibate Allie has pleasant conversation about The Celibacy Project with ZW. He is a published author himself, and a big fan of the blog, so he supports the cause. That means we can count on him to get all of us home in one piece, safely and alone. So we’re still going to go out and have fun, it's just that Celibate Allie will keep the others on a short leash so Regretful Allie can take Saturday morning off.

Then on Saturday night, Celibate Allie has decided to throw Drunken Allie a bone. We will spend that night getting crunked at the clubs in Boystown with My New Gay Friend. Did I tell you I have a new gay friend? I’ve never had a gay friend before and I am very, very excited about it.

[Ed. Note: all girls want a gay friend…the Stanford Blatch to their Carrie Bradshaw, if you will. But for that reason, gay guys usually have a harem of straight chicks they already hang out with. And these girls tend to be very territorial. That being said – I GOT ONE!]

My New Gay Friend will take all of the Allie’s out on the town on Saturday night. Celibate Allie will have a wonderful time, I am sure of that. Drunk Allie should be good, too, once we get her a couple (or a dozen, since DA can drink) Long Island Iced Teas. Single Allie will probably be miserable since she won’t get any attention that night, but the rest of us think that could be a good thing for her. And Regretful Allie can go back to doing whatever it is she does when she’s not waking up in bed with us on Sunday morning.

So to answer the question, how does celibacy affect my drinking on the weekends, I suppose the answer is, it doesn’t. I can still go out and have a good time. It’s just that, back in the old days, such activities could bring out my inner-slut. Now they just bring out my inner-schizo.

xo