Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday, a member of my inner circle sent a text congratulating me on my one-year anniversary. I was surprised that anyone besides me remembered; it’s been a full year since I got rid of The Ex and started to be myself again.

As far as I know, The Ex is unaware of both the blog and the reason behind it. I can’t imagine that if he had read the things I’ve said about him that I wouldn’t have heard about it yet. We still have plenty of mutual friends. Though, to be honest, I steer clear of him as much as I can. And with the exception of one very awkward run-in at Stone Lotus, when he screamed obscenities over my shoulder at the boy I was talking to, I have managed to do so. I know I told you yesterday that I tend to keep good relations with the boys I date…but in some cases that’s just damn near impossible.

By all accounts, it was a terrible break-up. I’ve already indicted him here for some of his flaws, but it was my fault, too. I was the one that convinced us both that our situation was perfect when it wasn’t even close. I was the one that led us down that one-way street to marriage, moving in together and even buying a condo in the South Loop. I was the one that overlooked everything about him I didn’t like, day in and day out, until I just couldn’t take it anymore. So then I was also the one that pulled the rug right out from under his unsuspecting ass. The moment it was over, I started packing. He wanted me to stay there and fight with him, fight for him, but I was done fighting.

I remember that night, after the walls came tumbling down, he went out to drink with his friends and blow off some steam as I prepared myself to move in with RK. She and my other best friend JK came over. I sat there in my tastefully decorated living room, with a balcony overlooking Lake Michigan, saw the pictures of The Ex and I that I had framed over the last three years, and I cried. I actually said “I can’t believe I just gave everything up.” JK, in her infinite wisdom, replied “I can’t believe you gave everything up three years ago.”

She was so fucking right. When The Ex and I met, everything about me slowly began to change. Since he didn’t want to know about my past, I pretended not to have one. I acted like our relationship was the most important thing in the world. I started seeing my girlfriends once or twice a month, opting to hang out with him and sometimes other couples instead. I became what RK calls Relationship Allie and it’s a far cry from the person I actually am. I even stopped writing because The Ex didn’t care to read anything I was working on. That part probably hurt me the most.

When he got home that night, I was packed and he was drunk. He threw the aforementioned frames into a wall and then lit the pictures they had contained on fire. No, I’m not making that up. He was angry. I couldn’t blame him. He hadn’t seen it coming so he wasn’t ready to let go. But I was.

So I moved out, I moved on and one year later, I finally feel like I’m moving forward. Happy Anniversary to me, indeed.

xo

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