Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Day In The Life Of A Nun

I’ve always been a creature of habit but this is getting ridiculous.

The highlight of my week is currently my American Idol Fantasy League. Why? Because it involves drinking and hanging out with boys that I trust (and that I can trust myself around.) Yes, there are boys in my American Idol Fantasy League. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, people.

Here’s what every day (besides Idol Night Tuesdays) looks like in the life of Celibate Allie:

5:30am – The alarm goes off. I proceed to hate the world.

5:45am – Drag my ass to the gym and chain myself to a treadmill. World-hating continues.

6:50am – Return to my apartment to shower, lather, rinse, and repeat.

7:00am – Time to chug a Sugar Free Red Bull, the true breakfast of champions.

7:30am – Put on my make-up and spend too much time on my hair.

8:30am – 5:00pm – She works hard for the money.

5:10pm – Come home and spend 20 minutes putting everything "where it goes." I have OCD.

5:30pm – Seinfeld in syndication – I love me some George.

6:00pm – Free Period (either yoga, laundry or twice-weekly tanning sessions in lieu of other currently forsaken vices.)

7:30pm – Dinnertime. I eat the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. Like I said, I’m a creature of habit. For dinner it’s a salad piled high enough with toppings to negate its inherent nutritional content. I’m such a good vegetarian.

8:00pm – Blogging time, my favorite part of the day.

8:45pm – Respond to the day’s texts and e-mails that generally ask me how the cobwebs in my crotch are doing. My friends are a bunch of smartasses. So is my mom.

9:00pm – Watch terrible television shows on TiVo. Fuck commercials.

10:00pm – Get ready for bed.

10:15pm – Say my prayers. Just kidding.

10:20pm – Double-click my mouse.

10:30pm – Lights out.

5:30am –The alarm goes off.

It’s like Groundhog Day except without Bill Murray or the Pennsylvania Polka.

The point I’m trying to elucidate is that I am now living for the freedom of my weekends. But in light of last Saturday’s near miss debauchery, this weekend I’ve decided that I’m grounded. That means I can work out, go shopping, cure cancer, or maybe check out the Edward Hopper exhibit at the Art Institute. I cannot go to a house party, dance at a club, drink, kiss, cuddle, or dry-hump, no matter how cute he is. It’s gonna be a long weekend.

xo

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear God 5:30? I think that's way worse than any self-imposed celebacy test.

Anonymous said...

The Hopper exhibit is actually really awesome. I checked it out myself, and was really impressed. Don't even bother seeing the Homer part, though--after Hopper, all was underwhelming.