Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Have The Right To Remain Silent, Just Not The Ability

So about three weeks ago, I got curious as to just how many people were reading this crazy little blog of mine. As it turns out, since the 10th of April, 1,049 different computers have accessed this site 2,013 times. What a bunch of freaking voyeurs you people are! Just kidding. In all actuality, I’m the exhibitionist who's putting the sordid details of my life out there for public consumption. Now before you get all paranoid, don’t worry, I can’t tell who you are or how often you’re here. All I can tell is that those are 1,049 different IP addresses that have read my writing based on something called “cookies.” I have no idea what the hell that means, nor do I care. But I’m not going to lie, I’m a tad bit impressed with myself. At the request of my dear mother, this thing isn’t listed on the Google Blog Search or even the Blogger.com listings, so you can’t just find it. You have to know it exists. That makes me wonder…is this shit show really so entertaining that its web address is making its way around the world? Apparently so. Let’s hear it for Allie’s sex life! I’d like to thank the Academy, my parents and all the men that made this possible. You know who you are.

What I’m doing here is not so different than any of those freaks – I mean people – who broadcast their personal diatribes on You Tube. What’s different is that it requires you to read, and a lot of people don’t like reading. So you, my dear, are an enlightened and intelligent person. Mazel Tov. Give yourself a round of applause.

Now with all of that being said I’d like to broach a subject that I’ve been mulling over for awhile now: dudes that read the blog that I might like to date someday. Is that even possible? I mean yes, surely some of the boys that are along for this ride would also like to ride me come July. But I wonder if any guy could, in good faith, make me his girlfriend based on the very personal admissions I’ve made here for your reading pleasure. Let’s be honest, I’ve called myself slutty and I don’t want to, nor am I going to, take that back.

I really don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship with somebody who isn’t comfortable with this facet of my personality. But is it asking too much of a mere mortal to accept that his girlfriend might have slept with more people than he has? Am I just shooting myself in the foot here? Only time will tell. I suppose that if I meet the right guy, I can always leave out these three months of my life, but I don’t think that’s fair to him, or to me, for that matter. Maybe I can tell him about it but refuse to give him the web address? No, that doesn’t seem like a good idea either, then his curiosity will probably kill him. I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself, and July is a long way away, but it would be remiss of me to not at least consider all of the ramifications of what I’m doing here, be they cathartic or socially detrimental.

Oh well, like I said, I don’t want a dude that can’t handle the truth. The Ex refused to believe that any of the stories he heard about me were true and look where he is now. Actually, I have no idea where he is right now because I unceremoniously dismissed him from my life. So let that be a lesson to you gentlemen. I am what I am. I think Popeye said that. And Billy Joel said this: I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun, and only the good die young.

xo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You might be best served to search for boyfriends in the ranks of ex reality show contestants... if it works pitch it to a network