Sexless In The City

I went home with a boy on Saturday. Don’t worry, nothing happened - although certainly not for lack of trying on his part, bless his horny little heart. We pre-drank at his place, went to Ghostbar and Manor, then we stayed up talking until eight in the morning and I made him sleep on the couch.

This new guy (let’s call him New Guy) is a bit of a proverbial “catch.” Smart, successful, cute, funny, well-liked, yada, yada, yada. Basically the kind of guy that Single Allie would have slept with in a heartbeat. Celibate Allie, however, was not buying anything he was selling.

The two of them actually had a little heart-to-heart about it:

Single Allie: What’s the big deal? Let’s face it, you’re drunk and you’re horny.
Celibate Allie: Damnit woman, it’s only been eleven days! If you can’t make it two weeks then you should just start selling your body on State Street.
SA: But he’s cute! And rich! And…hey, wait a minute, since when does it take more than that to convince you?
CA: Slow your roll. You can do this. I have faith in you, even if you don’t.
SA: Fine, bitch. But you owe me.
CA: Duly noted. I wonder if he’ll make us pizza.

New Guy was actually pretty understanding about the situation, especially since I led off with that information at the beginning of the night. I should get a t-shirt made that I can wear out, one that reads: “I don’t put out until July,” just so there’s no ambiguity.

To be honest, I feel a little guilty that I even came that close to hooking up. A couple friends have assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I guess I really didn’t. Of course New Guy, and his balls of blue, might beg to differ. Oh well. You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Although Single Allie used to come pretty damn close.

xo