When It Rains, It Pours

So there’s a boy who went to my high school that we’ll call Jordan Catalano. If any of you were fortunate enough to have watched the one season of My So-Called Life that aired in prime time, you’ll understand that allusion. My Jordan Catalano was just as hot as Jared Leto’s Jordan Catalano. Maybe even hotter. And Jared Leto’s Jordan Catalano sure did moisten my fifteen-year-old panties. But for the better part of our school days, my Jordan Catalano had no idea I was alive. Sigh.

Not to sound like an asshole or anything, but I’ve been taking care of myself lately and I think I look good. Jordan Catalano happened to notice this on Facebook yesterday and told me as much. Really, God? Really? This is how you’re going to reward me for all of my self-restraint? The one freaking time in my life when my unrequited love for JC has the chance to become requited and somebody has the bright idea to swear off guys for three months? Okay I’m being a bit dramatic, it’s not like he proposed marriage, but my high school crush now thinks I’m hot. I mean, seriously. C’mon, Dude. And by “Dude,” I mean God. Our Heavenly Duder, why must thou forsake me?

The sad thing is, he’s not the only one. As I surmised in one of my earliest posts, they’re crawling out of the woodwork. Suddenly everybody’s got a hot friend they want to set me up with. Another amazing boy I’ve been friends with for over a year finally asked me on a date. Even New Guy had some relationship potential, but nope, not gonna happen. My chastity belt is firmly in place. And it’s just not worth it, damnit! We shall overcome!!! I’m trying to convince myself here, not you. (Note To Self: Look on eBay for chastity belts.)

I feel like a person that just quit smoking and suddenly smokers are all they can see. Or one of those cartoon characters who's so hungry that everything they look at turns into a drumstick or a giant hot dog. Lately, when I look at guys, I’m not even gonna tell you what they turn into…but it’s a lot like a giant hot dog.

Oy Vey. I need to get laid.

Just kidding, I’m trying to stay strong here. I know that these are tests, and nothing more. I bet that most of the guys that come on to me right now are only doing so because they want to be the one that breaks me down. It’ll be interesting to see whether or not any of them are still around in July when I'm back on the market. It’ll be even more interesting to see which of them I actually decide to pursue. I’m hoping this experiment is going to get me to the point where I don’t just jump in bed with somebody for the sake of fulfilling a high school fantasy. Or for any other insignificant reason that I’ve used in the past to justify casual sex, either. I’m hoping that sex is going to mean more to me and that it won’t be nearly as inviting when it’s motivated by nothing but pure lust.

On the other hand, if the actual Jared Leto pictured above wanted to bone me…I mean, c’mon, Dude, can you blame me?

xo