[Ed. Note: Not every post can be funny. Today I have to be serious. If you only read this to laugh then please come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled sarcasm.]
Forgive me readers, for I have sinned.
That guy from Saturday night…well I sort of kissed him. Okay, fine, I kissed him. Consider this my act of contrition.
I am not going to give up. By all classical definitions, I am still celibate. My Webster’s Dictionary says celibacy is “the state of being unmarried” or “abstinence from sexual intercourse.” I chose to add the additional parameters and I would like to keep those in place for the future. I know I made a mistake. Mistakes happen, it’s what you learn from them that matters.
Why in the world did I go home with him? I can’t blame anything or anyone but myself. Clearly this ain’t my first rodeo and I should have known better; drunk members of the opposite sex don’t leave a club together to “talk.” I guess a part of me wanted to do more than that. At the risk of sounding like a nympho, this can be really hard. I just became single again and for me that’s like open season in an overpopulated forest. I truly do love flirting, the game, and everything that serves as a preamble to the actual "hook up." I guess I just love guys. But does that really make this cause (and me) hopeless?
God, I hope not. Now paging Saint Jude…
So I relapsed. I took it too far. What I did with Hot Dude was acceptable, what I did with New Guy was not. And if it happens again I’m done. If I’m not going to take this seriously then I can’t expect anyone else to, either.
I am my own worst enemy. At the end of the day, this whole thing was my bright idea. I made this bed and I’m the one that has to sleep in it. And from now on I can only sleep in it and I can only sleep there alone.
Wow, I suck.
For better or worse, I have chosen to take this journey and I’ve invited you along for the ride. As it turns out, that ride is a roller coaster, and all roller coasters have the propensity to make you sick. I actually felt nauseous yesterday when I realized the ramifications of my dishonesty. The purpose of this blog isn’t just to make you laugh, it's to make myself think and it's meant to be a documented true-life experience. Yesterday, I failed.
I’m really sorry you guys. If you don’t want to read anymore I’ll understand. But to those of you that are still with me, thank you.
Tomorrow is a new day.
xo
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3 comments:
Allie, I am so proud of you. You did nothing wrong. Through all the years of hearing your storys reading your college column and what not, you have come a long way. yes they were fun to hear and read but it looks like your entering big girl crew! welcome!---kell your colorist---
Honesty is important, and while you feel it necessary to make us laugh, this isn't really what this project is about. Laughter is but a byproduct of you taking care of yourself.
Be committed to this for no one but you. We just get to watch and cheer you on!
Awww, now (reading how serious this has been to you) I feel bad about my joke earlier today!
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